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Who I Always Was

Writer's picture: Chyina PowellChyina Powell

In the first few pages, Theresa Okokon tells the reader that she wears her heart on her sleeve and we get the distinct impression that while this way of being has never done her any favors, she would not change herself for anything. That sentiment, in my opinion, is powerful. We get insight into her childhood in surburban Midwest America as the only Black girl in her schools, the only child born from immigrants, as well as those awkward preteen years and teen years.


I received a free electronic ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.


After reading it, it seems as though the author knows what it is that she wants, yet doesn’t really know how to get it, at least she didn’t for much of her life. And we explore that a bit in the latter half of the memoir, which focuses on he adult life. What struck me most was the family narrative that she discloses from her father’s death under mysterious circumstances to her family’s then silence about it. It brought to mind questions of cultural silence and norms that perhaps need to be challenged.


Stars 3.75/5


What strikes me most about this memoir is how the author acknowledges how dominant the silences of her own life shaped her. In her “relationships” she was silent, her discovery of her father’s death was largely undiscussed…and these silences work hand in hand with the gaps of memory. As a wannabe memoirist myself, the idea of silence and when we choose silence or feel as though we are silenced struck a chord. It made me ponder the silences in my own life as well as those memories that over time may have been altered by what I wish had occurred. But that’s the cool thing about memory, isn’t it? It is largely subjective. That is why no two stories are ever the same.


Another aspect of this memoir that struck me was how open Okokon was about her life. Of course you expect memoirs to be glimpses into one’s life, but Okokon throws everything out there from failures to successes, and trust me there were many failures. She talks a lot about her family, generally with kind words.


If there were so many intriguing things about this memoir, you may be wondering why I give it only a 3.75 and the truth is because I am not one for explicit sexual content, never was, never will be. And if that is a trigger for you, please let it be known that this is your content warning. While I understand that her sex life played a crucial part in Okokon’s identity since she was a teenager, I didn’t need all the details. For those interested readers, Okokon related her sexuality to her desirability for much of her life. She wanted to feel love and, as many often do, equated love and sex. Her desire for love often left her holding the sort end of the stick however as she was used, cheated on, and mistreated over and over again.


The second reason for my rating is that a lot of the narrative seems repetitive but not in a nuanced way, it doesn’t add much to the story of her life. And while I get that the author is working out her story, I didn’t need three or four stories that were almost the exact same (aside from names and dates). Overall though, it was an interesting foray into one woman’s life and journey.


Does this sounds like a book you would read? Maybe you have a book recommendation for me? Let me know! And don’t forget to subscribe if you haven’t already!

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